there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
