we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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