you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize