Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i have two assholes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
