Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
