I'm jealous of your bromance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
