You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
time to smoke my breakfast
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
