i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
