cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
