weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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