The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
