she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
