i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
