There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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