Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
