ugly people sure do ruin things
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
