Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
