Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
