Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
