About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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