We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
