You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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