Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
