she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
