Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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