so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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