She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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