Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I believe in your delicious
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
