So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
