Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize