i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
