6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
