My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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