Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize