i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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