i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
