Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
