I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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