i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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