if i can run in heels then i can drive
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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