the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
