New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
