my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
