Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
