Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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