I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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