I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
