she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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