I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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