How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
