smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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