quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
