Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
