he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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