I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
