I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
