my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
