I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
