i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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