just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
