My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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