you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
