my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
