don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize