so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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